Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
