Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
