i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
