I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
