you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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