Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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