As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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