You're so nebulous sometimes
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
