Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
