I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
