I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
