Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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