i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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