Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
