don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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