He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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