id be glad to
The best revenge is premature balding
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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