She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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