The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
