I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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