We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
