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Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
