the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Couch. On fire.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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