I am full of burrito and curiosity
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
