I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
