His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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