How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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