A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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