Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
