the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
