i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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