hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
