Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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