i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
