Dual....:-)
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
