I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
