It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
