i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You're a waste of cheezeits
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
