But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
