He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
