in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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