you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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