She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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