Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
