The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
