I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Your tits are I can't wait for
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
