My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
