Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
