we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
