But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
