The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
