Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
