I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
