So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
